TANGETPALOOZA. A touch sentimental.

I'm eating a bagle with peanut butter and honey, so delicious, SOOO delicious.

I'm about to begin yet another EPIC weekend of events. I'm heading to LongBeach with some of my closest friends. I love it. We are all bunking down in a one bedroom cabin, this will be interesting. I am trying to slowly pack my things as to not forget any crucial items. So far I have blankets and sheets....yea, I know. Anyways, Mark, Jasmine, Woof, Bubba, Philly, and I are all hitting the roads around 6pm. And coming home tomorrow night after the pinup contest. Should be awesome, wait, will be awesome. Night time get away.

Anyways.

I'm doing amazing these days. Busy as always, always, always. I decided to do another pinup contest with The Fifty in Salem. I am so excited. Nathan is so much encouragement and Ellie truly inspires me. I am surrounded by some of the most influential people on my journey in life. I am always encouraged, always told how it is, and always offered ideas and suggestions to better not only myself but the things I'm doing with others. I am really thankful for that. I keep thinking of the THANKYOU letter I am going to write for my calendar, and I am terrified it will fall short of what everyone deserves. Without even knowing it, a lot of you guys have made me such a better person. With all of my fist sized heart, I appreciate and cherish it.

Jasmine and I were just talking, for some odd reason we both feel we haven't hung out in quite some time. Even though we see each other frequently. I think we are going to have to remedy this. My suggestion was drinking, dinner, drinking, hassle woofy. I think we can manage this. <3 I love my besty so much, I really can't even imagine life without her, she's opened up my eyeballs so much, and ......as I was about to type more, I realized how homosexual I was about to get. Jasmine, you're totally my girlfriend. Just so you know. I love you very much, I'd be a disaster without you. And thats why I'm rethinking my future plans, man I'm weird.

OK. I just weirded myself out. I'm going to shower and finish packing. XO


CARAMIA

Broken rules.

So I broke on the Single Summer. At first I felt guilty. But really, it is totally worth it.

I transitioned from cuddling with my best friends, to eventually dating, to full force relationship. I am disappointed in myself for not sticking to something I said I would do. But at the same time, I'm ridiculously amazed with who I've decided to keep company with. He's fucking awesome, and so sweet, and real, and down as fuck. But I'm not going to blog about him, because thats just creepy. Then again, I am a fucking creep.

I don't really know what to say about it? A lot has gone on in the past few months. Then again, a lot is always going on just within my day to day life. I think once the summer is over, I will continue blogging. I do write often, but never for public viewing. I'm always scared of hurting people's feelings, its funny. I worry more about making people feel awkward, but don't really care so much as to whether or not I am awkward. I know I'm socially retarded, and a bit of a spaz. But its far too much effort to try and mask that, so I own it. Thats a big think I've learned in the past few months. Taking ownership of my feelings. Oh, and going with the flow. The second one I am still working on. I'm down as fuck, but being that way tends to layer on a ton of commitments. Once I am on summer break, I am going to enjoy my time a bit more. Life isn't a race, I need to slow the fuck down.

Right now, I am the most stressed I've ever been. Jasmine keeps reminding me to compartmentalize. <3

I have summer classes, which is fucking crazy. Such long hours, and so much homework. My calendar is coming up on its busy phase. Finishing up shoots, and going into editing. Printing. Releasing! I am still working at Bellagio's a few nights a week, which is good. Money is always good, even though I hate dealing with it. Speaking of which, I have to send a check to the licensing office for my Esthetics license (mental note). Yea, theres a lot of chaos going on. But its all amazing things. I am surrounded by some of the best people in my whole life. And meeting more with each and every day.

I'm really happy with where I am right now. Home actually feels like home. I have amazing friends. A phenomenal family that supports my every move. My cat is still alive. All of my goals are becoming realities. And so on. I am happy.

Super fucking stressed, but happy.

Tonight I get to sew with Miss Twila, we are working on an amazing costume for an event. Speaking of events. Three of my ADX mates are coming to the Pinup Contest, this makes me so fucking happy. I never see them, and they are going to mob all the way out to Salem for support. Thank you guys.

Okay, this is such a tangent of a blog. It barely scrapes the surface of anything going on. But whatever. I am done with it.

I am going to get ready to head to Vancouver.

I love life. LOVE.

I am in an amazing mood. Today went so well, minus the dripping sweat. I had two amazing shoots with J.Allen today. Joyce the Hot Rod Lady came out with her Cherry Bomb and we took pictures for the calendar. Then I met up with Whilma and bumped gangster rap in the Galaxie until we got to the location. Did a power shoot with J.Allen. We make a fucking rad team. The shoots were a success, I want to show off the images but they are on secret mode until the calendar release!

I went and visited a buddy and got slurpees. Then I went and checked out the proofs for the prints we are doing. Then I came home, and my mama and Grandma came over. They are so fucking amazing. My mom knows me so well. When I panic, my home becomes my worse enemy. She came with cleaning supplies and a vacuum cleaner. I cut my Grandma's hair, and my mama cleaned. It sounds like something so small and uninteresting, but it meant so damn much to me. I am on ultimate busy mode, and feeling comfortable in my own home helps out so much. I'm getting sappy just thinking about it. My mom is so fucking amazing. She is my best friend and my world. We all went to Pambiche right after for some dinner. I love Cuban food SO much. They are going to swing by again Sunday for a quick minute <3 I miss my family so much, even though we live close. We all have busy lives. I'm excited to be on summer break soon and hassle the living hell out of them.

Alright, that was just a recap of my day. I guess I should get into some writing that was actually intended for this blog.

SingleSummer2010.

I have been avoiding writing about it a little. One, because I keep changing my rules. Two, because I consider everyone else. And three, I don't know.

I met someone interesting. So interesting that its kind of creepy. Then again, I'm kind of a social retard, so maybe I'm the creepy one. HAH. Not really. I am just horrid at articulating things with grace. Then again, this someone doesn't mind that. Thankfully he isn't awkward, so I can make up for the both of us. We've been hanging out a bit, and getting the feel for things. Ultimately, I made an amazing friend. Someone that forces me to think, and to believe, without even realizing it. I think I probably gain more out of this friendship than he does. I just have useless sociological information to fill his brain with. Its interesting meeting someone that has a lot of the same values and beliefs as myself, and someone that does a million things at once. This is actually really weird for me. Usually when I am running late, or fucking up, or rescheduling, or over scheduling, or planning way in advance...everyone gives me shit. "Take your time" "When are we going to hang out" "You never have free time" "Ugh you're so busy". But this is the first person that can tell me that they understand, and they totally mean it. I can dig that.

I guess I shouldn't say thats the only person. My mom is like that too. She messaged me the other day and told me to take care of myself and not over do it. I hear this often from everyone, but my mom knows me best. Jasmine is a close second. Its weird feeling like people actually get me, considering I don't really get me. I constantly doubt myself, and don't give myself much credit. But I must be doing something right in this life? I sure as hell hope so.

I've realized a part of why I am constantly on the go, I get horrid anxiety when I'm doing nothing at all. Like right now I could be sitting around doing nothing in my apartment on a Friday night. Instead, I already made a small to-do list for the evening. All little easy things. But a list none the less. I could go out, but really, I haven't spent much time to myself, and I kind of miss me. Well, I guess I spend a lot of alone time driving from place to place, but that is usually infused with road rage during the summer...so I won't count that. I just got a text from my boy Philly, haha...I might go out not. OOPS. :)

This week is my crazy week, I scheduled a handful of shoots. Have work. Homework. And hella places to be. I like it though. Its usually one chaotic week a month. I'm excited, I'm already half way through the summer term. So I will have five weeks off. I wonder how that will go. I refuse to spend it drinking everyday. I want to go on adventures! To the coast, river, and lake! Then again, so will every other Oregonian...damnit.

Anyways, this was a tangent and a half. I am going to eat some papaya and pineapple enzymes, I'm overstuffed from dinner.

End.Tangent.

XO CaraMIa


Not to brag, but I truly am blessed. I have so many good things going for me, and some of the best people in my life.

So much learned this summer, yet still foolish.

I have minimal time to blog, but a lot to say. Let's see how this goes.

I've had some of the best few days as of late. My heart is full. My friends are near. And I've got amazing things going on in my life. It also helps that the weather is perking up a touch. This week should be into the 90s. Speaking of this weekend.

Calendar-
July

9th-8:30am shoot with J.Allen for the calendar til 12ish
6:00pm shoot with David A View Askew
10th-10:00am shoot with Mark Coffin and Bubba's Bel Air.
8:00pm Ellie and the Tiger Bar
11th-???time shoot with Ronnie Werner

Busy bee weekend jah.

I have actual stuff pertaining to the Single Summer that I want to write about. But I keep on holding back. Jasmine says that its very kind of me to consider everyone's feelings, but really its not my responsibility. Seriously, that woman is so smart. I don't know where I would be right now...or who I would be for that matter--without her. She is my best friend. Its weird that I can get a lot closer to women then men. And no, I'm not gay. I was talking to Pat, she said maybe sex complicates things. Who knows. However, I have met someone that I'd like to believe I'm very close to. Or at least we talk about everything. And if you know me, you know I don't shut up and that I always want to know whats going on in your head. So yea. I don't know.

I need to blow dry my hair. I will blog again later. I promise. I've got tons to say.

I love my friends and family.
Thank you for being in my life.
And understanding.

XO CaraMia