Enjoy yourself, take only what you need from it.

I'm all over the place today, but most of it got pushed aside because I helped out my besty, I love that girl so fucking much. Family is what you make of it, and I'm thankful to have those in Aloha, and those in Portland. If only I could merge the two. I guess I'm still growing use to the idea of living on my own and traveling back and forth. I know I'm almost 23, but the idea of leaving the coop for good is still settling strangely. Sometimes I'm okay with it though. Lately, not so much. I may have to put down my cat. He is my one true love, and been there through it all. He's old, and its unfair for me to keep him in pain for my own selfish dependence on him. He's supposed to go to the vet sometime this week to find out whether or not his time has come. I'm handling this a lot better than the first few days. The first few days, all I did was cry and eat. Oreos have stored themselves around my belly, so I shall hit the gym tomorrow after class.

Speaking of tomorrow, I've got a lot going on. I guess I'll find out how the rest of the day will go based off of the morning. I shall keep you posted. I heard from the boy today, I think I did more damage than I originally thought. Which makes my stomach hurt, I fucking HATE hurting people. Unless they deserve it, but even then, I cringe. I'm getting soft in these older years. I miss the teenage days when heartbreak meant nothing, and the rebound was painless. I feel like I lose more and more each time I try. Someone specific comes to mind, but I really don't know if its appropriate to list names. So I won't.

I think I need to stop dwelling so much on what is going on, and focus on being in the groove of me. Family. Friends. School. Work. Modeling. Calendar. And so on. Focus, focus, focus. I am excited for the summer, I think that has given me a ton of drive for this time frame. There will be a lot to do, and a lot to keep my mind occupied with. Sometimes I dread looking at my day planner, but I think I prefer it more than blank slots. Blank slots makes the mind wander.

I wish I wrote earlier when I had a lot on my mind, however, I just took a hot shower and am feeling pretty optimistic. I'll go on that note.

-CaraMia