Day 69- (lol) for Dottie

So of course all my test results came back clean...

It was a little scary to think about HIV but meh.. I am sick of talking about that already..

So I really love being single (I say that everytime)
Although...hanging out with people of interest has become something else.
I am just taking one day at a time. Each of those days are so amazing and F U N!

I went on a drunken adventure through Mt. Tabor and smoked some pot at the top and looked at the view... He threw my shoe randomly down the path below us to get a reaction out of me and I showed him by taking my other one off and throwing it too...

Freedom is the king of kings and I never felt so amazing..

Staying single has not been a challenge . No one is rushing to me to tie me down...
The ex is a different story. Arguing .. bringing up old arguments.. trying to kiss me ... I am really okay with denying .. I let go months ago.. I feel sad inside sometimes .. Not going to bed every night with someone I loved so much. Trusting someone completely and not worrying about a thing...I do miss it.

But.......... it is worth the loss in trade for freedom and not having to worry about what the person is doing all the time..


F R E E D O M !!

Best SUMMER EVER!!

-
Dottie

UH OHHH. HE'S BEEN TELLIN' LIES!
HE'S A COLD HEARTED SNAKE..OOOO.
LOOK INTO HIS EYES!

Oh Paula Abdul. You've been stuck in my head for days.

Anyways. Life is good. Busy, as always, but good. I dropped a class because I didn't understand the looney instructor. So many assignments and half of the class was online. If I wanted an online class...I would have registered for one. So now I am down to 12 credits, three days of work, a pinup calendar, and the summer. Wish me well, not hell!

I guess I haven't written in awhile. That is mainly because I have taken up other outlets. I've been learning to actually talk about things. For as open and honest as I am, I am SO protective over my feelings. I hate it sometimes, really it leaves me getting hurt only to myself...which has its ups and downs. I've been working on a few things within myself, well, more so addressing them and then owning them. I like this. Sometimes. I tend to beat myself up over my flaws, but who is to say what is or isn't a flaw? Who is to say anything is good or bad about me, accept me. I am slowly snapping out of my funk. I am proud of this. But it is due to the help of some kind souls.

I supposed I will just do a quick update on my world. I just finished a week long birthday celebrating. I am now 23, my guy friends are joking that I am no longer desirable...however I believe I am going to get way fucking better with age. Yea, I'm a damn white wine! White, because I have a strong distaste for reds. Speaking of beverages, I am taking a breather after that birthday week.

A quick recap!

Friday June 18-
Rose City Roundup!
Chop Tops.
Lots of swing dancing in a short circled skirt...oops.

Saturday June 19-
My baby brother's birthday.
Rose City Roundup Car Show!
World Naked Bike Ride with Jasmine and Erich.

Sunday June 20-
Chillaxing.
Double birthday dinner and Father's Day celebration with the family at Marrakesh.

Monday June 21-
Long day of school.
Sleep.

Tuesday June 22-
MY BIRTHDAY.
School.
Hopeless Jack and McDougall rocked Mississipp Pizza.
Puked all over Jack's car <3
Woke up confused.

Wednesday June 23-
Didn't make it to school, recovering.
Sauvie's Island with Jack.
Wait, my days are getting mixed up.
Well it was one of those days at the island.
WEDNESDAY!
Darcelle's with my amazing friends!
CC Slaughter's for a naked dance party!
Slumber party at my place.

Thursday June 24-
Breakfast with the girls.
Bloodymarys's at HTT.
School.
REST.

Friday June 25-
Hella errands.
Lunch with Andy.
More errands.
Visited the family.
Watched True Blood with Isaac.

Saturday June 26-
Billetproof 2010 with Mark Coffin and the Deviants CC.
ALL DAY.
I hate Washington, but had fun with friends.


END OF BIRTHDAY WEEK MADNESS. Pictures on FB.


Anyways, thats my quick update. Nothing too interesting infused, just a quick tangent. I will write when I find more time.

XO CARAMIA


PS-Thank you to ALL of the amazing people that made it out this week. I love all of you and had SUCH an amazing time.

Say Anything- I am a Transylvanian.

You're bent over the grand piano.
Feel my eyes slide over you.
Legs that curve the same as hers could run as quickly too.
My lazy tongue lies low and ready.
It cannot seem to speak its words.
I'd axe it off to shut me up but you've already heard the murders have occured.
The path into this heart is littered with corpses and strewn with body parts of those who came before
And of strongers souls than you.
So just give up.
Take me where they cannot see us and lay me down on coffin rich dirt.
Tonight, I am a Transylvanian.
A taste of you won't hurt.
Because i am numb to every feeling and stubborn ears will hear no sound.
My last few rounds have left me reeling.
My teeth are on the ground and I've taken pound for pound.
So child,
Don't go getting your hopes up




I've been listening to sap all morning.
-CaraMia

Day 57- for Diamond

So Today I went to the clinic to get the whole sha-bang of STD testing..
Yeah I know how AWKWARD and PERSONAL to write about! But it seems like no one talks about this routine method...
I want to make sure that when I decide to be with someone I will be able to say truthfully I know for a fact I am clean as a whistle .

I feel naive to the whole part of worrying about those things. I was with someone 6 years and married then on to a 4 year relationship.. Now I live single in Portland , Oregon . Ummmmm yeah ... I think we all know how much Portland LOVES sex.. dont we all.. but really?....how many people actually get tested ?!

All I know is I am even more apprehensive about having sex.. I did although have the support of someone I been dating. He drove me there and went in with me.. now THAT is bad ass.....how many guys do that?? How many guys stick around for this wacky "single summer" four months no sex rule.. I surely have no idea.

I still have my feelings and heart guarded. I feel secure about being alone and have learned a lot about who I am ...
Being so busy all the time has made me unavailable for anything serious anyways.

Still havent had sex, still havent committed to any relationships.
and now.... I am scared to death of anything intimate ... I am going to be so smart about everything I do, as much of a loose cannon I can be....;)

Love Dottie

I am happy I went today though. What a relief ...

Day 54- Piece of Diamond cake

Fifty Four days ......still single. Doing what I want and over indulging in any pleasures I can get my hands on (well besides ..eh hem.. ya know)

I been finding other ways to connect with the opposite sex. I have come to realise I am OBSESSED with boys..They are EVERYWHERE and they are breathin down my neck in a non-literal sense....
It has become a life vest for me being able to say no to sex... I would sink fast if I gave in and said "fuck it" I am actually scared to death of it. Its the strangest thing. I feel like I have made such a huge deal out of it. But that its the only control I have over protecting my feelings while I heal. I am SUCH a girl? (BLLLLLEEEEEEEEH!! -me barfing)

gawd.....anyways so lets get to the good stuff.. guess what I discovered.. Being single equals having the BEST time EVER.
For example, this last weekend... Ya I hardly slept. Who has time for rest when there is towns to terrorize?
Staying up all night drinking with my BGF, ending up with matching outfits which include our faux leather jackets, Fedoras , pirate rain boots and sunglasses. After that, driving to Safeway at 5 am to buy a totinos pizza and a ball. Running around the grocery store playing dodge ball ? why yes please!
I put my BGF in the back of the truck and drove her around . We were searching for the first car she seen to throw the ball at and then we took off like a bat outta hell..you know why? Cuz somehow we get away with what ever we want apparently. I must be doing something right to be able to end up in the country after having free drinks at a strange bar, in a strange town, pullin cookies in a horse arena... GAWWD I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Single Summer has created a MONSTER..
I feel like no one can touch me and I am unstoppable...
I have my own room now and new apartment . I AM me.. NO - you cant have me...cuz I am my own... I sure as hell will join you in good times though and I will make out with a boy if I want! I have had to literally push them off of me . Not bragging .. its just SO funny how being single people are like vultures....BRING IT !

Fifty Four days Shmifty Shmore days......... Bah!

I am a grown up.


GROWN UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love Dottie

I'm your man.

I haven't written in a little while, but I have been thinking a lot--and holding some amazing conversations.

This blog kind of weirds me out a bit, because I didn't realize what an influence it had or how many people actually read it. I guess there is some good and bad with that, like everything else in the world...so I won't over analyze it. I'll save the analyzing for something a touch more pointless.

I've been thinking a lot about myself in the sense of who I am, what I'm doing, and who is in my life. Its pretty interesting. I'm figuring out that talking isn't always the best route. I talk a lot when I know and trust someone, usually about random thoughts. The words that come out of my mouth are a huge process to getting to an ultimate point. Talking helps me hash out what is going through my head, and I'm realizing that what's going through my head isn't always that entertaining to others. That's okay though. Sometimes I miss talking to Stine, but that was a whole different type of talking. So I shouldn't miss it too much.

I'm doing well these days. I've got a lot going on. I've been meeting amazing people. Sometimes I feel sick and tired of this Single Summer, some days I don't. Right now, I don't really care--I'm pretty neutral. I've been holding some amazing conversations with my buddy...we shall call him...Hopeless. He's extremely interesting and I'm under the impression that he understand I'm figuring out what;s going on in my head as I speak. Its funny how friendships reappear over time. He told me that he focuses on the good in meeting people. I imagine it like a ripple effect, we all take something from everything. Whether it be positive or negative. And I'm done wasting my time on the negative. I'm down with figuring myself out, and I think thats something we are all doing.

I knew that this summer would be about figuring myself out. There's a lot of things I've come to terms with, and some that I'm not so proud of. I hate making myself feel childish. Sadly, I remind myself that there are worse cases of so-called adults, and this makes me feel better.

Like Dottie said in the previous blog "we've been too hard on ourselves and placed too much pressure on this". I agree. So much. I'm going with the flow because that is the natural thing to do, but I'm reminding myself how much sex complicates things. So all is going well thus far in the Single Summer. I've hung out with a few interesting characters, not in a dating sense, but I guess just in an analytical sense. It helps me put myself in check. Hm.

For some reason my list just popped back into my head.
Annnnd I think I will type it up right now.
Its the things I'm trying to keep in mind, for when I'm ready to try again.

Promises I Can Keep--

I'll respect my partner the way I respect myself.

I will never take more than I can give.

I'll remain supportive of my partner's journey through life.

I'll always offer safety and genuine friendship.

I promise to meet in the middle.

I can dish it out, and I can also take it.

I won't hide my thoughts or feelings.

I WILL NOT be a romance killer.

I'm not perfect, and I don't expect my partner to be.

I'll always be open and honest.

I'll be open minded to whatever differences may exist.

I will love my partner's body the way I love my own.

I won't ever take my emotions out on another person.

My love comes in many forms, and I'll be sure to keep my partner on their toes.

Its not really much, but its the things I can offer in a relationship, and one of these days I hope I find them reciprocated. The idea of that makes me smile right now. I've been thinking a lot about my past relationships. And last night I had a horrible epiphany. Something I won't state here, because its hurtful to everyone including myself. Like I said before, I'm starting to notice things in myself and they aren't all things I would love to boast about. However, I am glad that I can acknowledge them and own up to them. I'm far from perfect, but I sure as hell have my shit together.

Speaking of having my shit together, I'm excited about this summer and the following year. I'm almost done with college--which is scary yet completely amazing. Its weird knowing that a new chapter of your life is starting, and not completely knowing what it entails. This is okay with me though. Like I said before...I'm trying to go with the flow.

Yea, I think thats enough rambling for now. Enough to compensate for my lack of writing in the last few weeks. Wow, really its June 10th? My birthday is soon. I always get weird around this time of the year. I'm going to be 23, and that freaks me the hell out. I know, I know...its dumb to be stressed about age when I'm so young. I just feel like I'm not doing enough considering my age. Or something. Anyways. I'm done.

Thomas Kitty and I are going to cuddle and watch a movie and drink vodka crans!

XO CaraMia

Day 40 - Diamond gettin buffed

HAHA NO NAKED PICS........
Cara and I discussed rules for this summer. We decided that we were putting too much pressure on ourselves as far as what we can/can't do..

I myself have decided to not commit myself fully to anything and not have sex with anyone until the four month mark has passed , that is if I really am into someone and trust them fully.

Recently I have been hanging out with someone. When I first met him I was drawn to him like a magnet.. We had the same sense of humor and had so many of the same words .. We made dozens of inside jokes the first time we hung out ..(which is my fave kind of bonding) He didnt try anything on me right away and I built this instant trust with him that I never felt.
I have built a wall to protect myself. I want to protect myself from getting hurt and even hurting someone else.. All I know is I feel great right now. The past 7 months has taught me a lot. If and when I make a big commitment I am going to do much better.

I am moving into my new apartment this weekend!!!
I will be a grown up!
Things are moving up and out .. now to find that new job.... ugh..

Love
Dottie