I'm your man.

I haven't written in a little while, but I have been thinking a lot--and holding some amazing conversations.

This blog kind of weirds me out a bit, because I didn't realize what an influence it had or how many people actually read it. I guess there is some good and bad with that, like everything else in the world...so I won't over analyze it. I'll save the analyzing for something a touch more pointless.

I've been thinking a lot about myself in the sense of who I am, what I'm doing, and who is in my life. Its pretty interesting. I'm figuring out that talking isn't always the best route. I talk a lot when I know and trust someone, usually about random thoughts. The words that come out of my mouth are a huge process to getting to an ultimate point. Talking helps me hash out what is going through my head, and I'm realizing that what's going through my head isn't always that entertaining to others. That's okay though. Sometimes I miss talking to Stine, but that was a whole different type of talking. So I shouldn't miss it too much.

I'm doing well these days. I've got a lot going on. I've been meeting amazing people. Sometimes I feel sick and tired of this Single Summer, some days I don't. Right now, I don't really care--I'm pretty neutral. I've been holding some amazing conversations with my buddy...we shall call him...Hopeless. He's extremely interesting and I'm under the impression that he understand I'm figuring out what;s going on in my head as I speak. Its funny how friendships reappear over time. He told me that he focuses on the good in meeting people. I imagine it like a ripple effect, we all take something from everything. Whether it be positive or negative. And I'm done wasting my time on the negative. I'm down with figuring myself out, and I think thats something we are all doing.

I knew that this summer would be about figuring myself out. There's a lot of things I've come to terms with, and some that I'm not so proud of. I hate making myself feel childish. Sadly, I remind myself that there are worse cases of so-called adults, and this makes me feel better.

Like Dottie said in the previous blog "we've been too hard on ourselves and placed too much pressure on this". I agree. So much. I'm going with the flow because that is the natural thing to do, but I'm reminding myself how much sex complicates things. So all is going well thus far in the Single Summer. I've hung out with a few interesting characters, not in a dating sense, but I guess just in an analytical sense. It helps me put myself in check. Hm.

For some reason my list just popped back into my head.
Annnnd I think I will type it up right now.
Its the things I'm trying to keep in mind, for when I'm ready to try again.

Promises I Can Keep--

I'll respect my partner the way I respect myself.

I will never take more than I can give.

I'll remain supportive of my partner's journey through life.

I'll always offer safety and genuine friendship.

I promise to meet in the middle.

I can dish it out, and I can also take it.

I won't hide my thoughts or feelings.

I WILL NOT be a romance killer.

I'm not perfect, and I don't expect my partner to be.

I'll always be open and honest.

I'll be open minded to whatever differences may exist.

I will love my partner's body the way I love my own.

I won't ever take my emotions out on another person.

My love comes in many forms, and I'll be sure to keep my partner on their toes.

Its not really much, but its the things I can offer in a relationship, and one of these days I hope I find them reciprocated. The idea of that makes me smile right now. I've been thinking a lot about my past relationships. And last night I had a horrible epiphany. Something I won't state here, because its hurtful to everyone including myself. Like I said before, I'm starting to notice things in myself and they aren't all things I would love to boast about. However, I am glad that I can acknowledge them and own up to them. I'm far from perfect, but I sure as hell have my shit together.

Speaking of having my shit together, I'm excited about this summer and the following year. I'm almost done with college--which is scary yet completely amazing. Its weird knowing that a new chapter of your life is starting, and not completely knowing what it entails. This is okay with me though. Like I said before...I'm trying to go with the flow.

Yea, I think thats enough rambling for now. Enough to compensate for my lack of writing in the last few weeks. Wow, really its June 10th? My birthday is soon. I always get weird around this time of the year. I'm going to be 23, and that freaks me the hell out. I know, I know...its dumb to be stressed about age when I'm so young. I just feel like I'm not doing enough considering my age. Or something. Anyways. I'm done.

Thomas Kitty and I are going to cuddle and watch a movie and drink vodka crans!

XO CaraMia