Today's the day today.

I find it interesting how I can go to bed completely defeated and wake up completely anew.

I wish I was better with my words, and that I knew how to make everyone happy without compromising myself--but I'm piss poor with words, I always say the wrong thing with an even worse side note, and I don't know how to keep everyone happy..its one or the other. Last night I kept asking myself, why couldn't I keep my mouth shut? Maybe if I never said anything and picked my battles more wisely we wouldn't be doing this right now. However, I know me. I know I spill everything that runs across my brain for a reason...if I hold it in, it becomes a huge, angry mess. And I also don't believe in keeping secrets, I don't believe in hiding anything. Simply because If I don't tell you what's on my mind, how the fuck are you supposed to know? I assumed that is a two way street, but not everyone drives down it. If you don't speak to me, I may have an idea what's going on but ultimately I have no fucking clue what your thoughts and comprehension amount up to.I take things very literal, if you don't say it or blatantly act it out..then to me it does not quite exist.

Its funny, My solution generally is to ignore these kind of difficulties and move on, but I'm getting soft in my old age!
I think I generally prefer to think with my head, and not with my heart.

However, like I said...today is a new day. The sun is trickling in and out of my morning which is great, and its a Friday. Which means I am going to visit my family, and my Thomas kitty. These are good things. Tomorrow is action packed, and Sunday is going to be spent playing catch up.

Oh.

Other thoughts.

I am convinced boys can smell abstinence. They are sharks. I'm scared I'm going to come out of this four month period more angry than resolved. I sat in the Chit Chat Cafe studying statistics for two hours, and during the course of that time three guys felt it appropriate to try and spark a conversation with me. REALLY? I was fucking studying, go away. I've also been analyzing all the relationships with my guy friends, who is really actually one of my guy friends? And who just pretends. One of my friends calls those type of dude friends "vultures", which I find very fitting. Waiting til you're weak to pounce, that coming from the bird of prey. I see all of your tactics! I'm not fucking retarded. I may be boy crazy, and a total flirt, NO MEANS NO. '

I'm no man hater, I'm just shocked by reality.

This was all random and all over the place. Enjoy.

CaraMia